Let Me Count The Ways

The world couldn’t function without lists. We use them to grocery shop, pack for vacation and remind us what needs to get done. But some lists exist simply because they are fun to compile.

To that end, here’s mine for people and things who/that annoy me.

1. Ann Curry (Today Show). A boob with boobs. The anti-interviewer. Hard to watch, excruciating to listen to. Whatever they are paying her, it’s too much.

2. Players who own me in Facebook Scrabble. Love ya, Sis.

3. Doctors with the bedside manner of a coat rack.  You are taking inventory of my asshole with your index finger. Could we at least chat up the latest episode of Modern Family?

4. Acquaintances who can’t reciprocate a hello when I pass them in a hallway, on the street, in a restaurant. Same goes for motorists who fail to acknowledge a traffic favor.

5. George Clooney. Accomplished actor but good grief. Throw in an age spot, laugh line, hint of a paunch, something.

6. Political noise. The whole two-party system needs to be chained to a Ford F-150, dragged across the exit spikes of a parking garage and dumped into the Arkansas River. Wake me up in November.

7. Door wedges. I don’t know why. They just do.

8. Tonsil stones. These are more repulsive than annoying, trust me. Also known as tonsilloliths, tonsil stones are tiny granules coughed up from the back of the throat. When smashed — men actually do this — they smell like rotting flesh.

9. Ryan Gosling. See No. 5.

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4 thoughts on “Let Me Count The Ways

  1. very funny stuff~….I am totally with you on #4….when it happens to me I want to scream at the person, “hey, you know me!, say hello!”….number 7, i get that too. George Clooney has nothing on you my friend. You are WAY more interesting~:)

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