Resisting the Urge

Dad was comfortable in his own skin.

He took a whore’s bath with the door half-open. His boxers, in which he paraded around the house, were so threadbare they were almost see-through. An undiagnosed hypochondriac, he also wasn’t shy about showing my sister and me what ailed him, even if it was near the equator.

I’m a tad more modest.

Back when I wore a few extra pounds, shedding my top for  “shirts and skins” basketball didn’t thrill me. But I did it.

That’s man code.

Same goes for the shower at the gym. No privacy. No problem.

I draw the line, though, at public dumping.

What happens in that stall is between me and my lower intestinal tract. I don’t need an audience, nor do I grant one if I can help it.

My rule of thumb: Clear the restroom, then the colon.

All of which is easier said than done. Care to guess how many people make a deposit during an eight-hour day? About everyone in the building.

So gents, next time you see me bypass the urinal, do me a favor.

Evacuate. So I can do the same.

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