Life on the Road

The comforts of home, while routine, are salve for the soul.

That can make hitting the road a pain in the ass.

In the spirit of irritability, here are 10 things I despise about hotels.

10. Elevator music, which is annoying enough when it’s in the elevator. Now it’s piped through the whole joint 24-7.

9. Vending machines that spit out my dollar bills.

8. Valets, bellboys, any other class of servant. I didn’t grow up in Downton Abbey. I can heft my own suitcase, thank you.

7. Pre-pubescent girls, running and stomping about, acting a fool.

6. Wireless that isn’t free. This is 2013. Isn’t it time wireless became an amenity?

5. $2.50 Cokes.

4. $15 breakfasts.

3. The 8-year-old who enters the elevator sopping wet.

2. Knock-knock. “Room service.”

1. The inability to do as you please, when you please.

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